Wow, what a difference between the way in which we welcomed 2000 and 2010! I can hardly believe the 00’s are history. Seems like they were here just yesterday! Back in 1999, I was working at Capital One. We were all frantically busy on setting into place mitigations for the potential big world computer clock melt-down that never happened. Everybody was singing Prince’s song, humming quietly to themselves about how they were going to party because it WAS 1999.


And now this decade has been ushered in almost in stealth mode. No big fanfare, no big hoopla, no big scares. I think everyone is more focused on economic problems to even notice the turnover in the mileage. 2010 just sneaked in the backdoor.


In some ways, the 00’s were the drama decade, at least on a personal level. It’s to be expected, I guess. I entered 2000 as a twenty-something and left as a thirty-something. The twenties are always fraught with adult drama. We’re like puppies on the brink of adulthood. Sometimes we have too much energy than we know what to do with, so we create drama for ourselves.


I’ve always been one to go against the flow, to swim upstream when everyone was going downstream. Stefan’s the same in that regard. We were both talking about this the other night, and both of us are getting tired, and we thought maybe it’s not so bad if we went with the flow. So, we might try it. Can we learn how to do that, and what exactly does going with the flow mean?


For me, going with the flow means relaxing and not trying to control fate or destiny or the direction of my life. I’ve watched enough 48 Hour Mystery and other such shows to pick up on the subtle cue that none of these people, whether they were victim or perpetrator, ever planned their lives going the direction they ended up going in. They all had, for the most part, plans for their lives, directions they were moving towards. How did it end up going so terribly wrong?


At the same time, going with the flow does not mean just bumbling along completely and utterly directionless and without motivation or purpose, as I have believed for many years. For so long, I’ve swum along with purposeful strokes, pulling myself forward against a moving current. Now I’m tired so I’m treading water. When you tread water, you move a lot, but you don’t get anywhere, and you get even more tired. I’m about ready to just float along, to just lie on my back in the water, stop moving and just float. However, if I let go that much, I may not recognize my surroundings when I decide it’s time to look around.


So, I need to be tethered to something so I can float in peace. That way I can drift a little and relax, but still be relatively close to familiar surroundings when it’s time to look around.


I think a lot of people do this. They tether themselves to something, most often family, it seems, and it gives them a grounding point. But I kind of missed all that. I’ve never been close to my family. At least not in a way that gives me peace to drift in safety. Some people aren’t close to their family for a variety of reasons, and then when they marry, they tether themselves to their spouse’s family. Again, though, in our situation, Stefan isn’t close with his family, either. We were each kind of silently hoping we’d inherit a family from the other when we married.


That probably sounds harsh, and it hurts a bit to admit it, but it is what it is, and not everything can change, so I guess what I’m trying to say is that I’m going to have to get over it and accept that we might never be close to our families. We might never achieve the closeness we’ve envied and craved. Time to move on, and accept the relationships as they are. That, in itself, could be a goal of a lifetime.


My goal this year, if I am so bold as to aim for something, is to find a tethering point so we can go with the flow a bit more, in the comfort and safety that we will never drift too far into unfamiliar waters. I don’t know how or when or what this tether might look like, be, or where. That is yet to be determined by the currents flowing into our lives. (When I say “find,” I don’t mean we’re going to go out and purposely search for it. “Find” means more of awareness, or an open mind towards the things that enter our lives of their own volition.) Once we find it though, I believe our lives are going to look a lot different. That sparkle and shine that is so unique to us, the thing that makes us who we are, will return because we won’t be treading water. We can focus on the funness of life, the adventures of life and this big, beautiful world in which we live. After all, what’s the point of living if you aren’t having fun?